GIVE Skill: A DBT Simulator for Better Relationships

GIVE Dialogue Simulator

Learn and practice DBT’s interpersonal effectiveness skill: Gentle, Interested, Validating, and an Easy manner.

What you’ll do

You’ll see short, real-life scenarios. Choose the response that best preserves the relationship using the GIVE skill. After you choose, you’ll get compassionate, clear feedback mapped to each letter.

GIVE cheat sheet

G — Gentle

Be courteous. Avoid attacks, threats, judgments, sarcasm.

I — Interested

Show you’re listening. Reflect, ask clarifying questions.

V — Validating

Acknowledge feelings/perspective as understandable.

E — Easy manner

Keep a calm, approachable tone; a touch of lightness can help.

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What is the GIVE Skill?

The GIVE skill is a core component of the Interpersonal Effectiveness module in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). While the DEAR MAN skill is for getting what you want (the “objective”), the GIVE skill is for maintaining and improving the relationship itself. It’s a set of techniques for communicating in a way that is positive, respectful, and validating, even during a difficult conversation.

This interactive GIVE Dialogue Simulator is your personal practice ground. It presents you with common relational challenges and helps you practice choosing the most effective, relationship-preserving response.

What Does GIVE Stand For?

GIVE is an acronym that reminds you how to interact during a conversation to keep the relationship healthy.

(be) Gentle: Be courteous and respectful. No attacks, threats, or judgments. Avoid sarcasm.
(act) Interested: Genuinely listen to the other person. Face them, make eye contact, and show you are paying attention.
(be) Validating: Acknowledge the other person’s feelings and perspective. You don’t have to agree with them to validate them. Phrases like, “I can see why you would feel that way,” or “That sounds really difficult,” are powerful.
(use an) Easy Manner: Use a calm, lighthearted tone. A little humor can go a long way. Be approachable and try to smile.

When Should I Use the GIVE Skill?

The GIVE skill is your go-to tool anytime your primary goal is to maintain a positive connection with another person. Use it when you are:

Listening to a friend or partner who is upset and needs support.
Having a disagreement but want to avoid a fight.
Giving someone feedback in a gentle and respectful way.
Trying to de-escalate a tense conversation.
Wanting to build trust and rapport with someone new.

The Science Behind It: Validation and Social Connection

The GIVE skill is so effective because it directly addresses our fundamental human need for connection and understanding.

The Power of Validation: Validation is one of the most powerful communication tools. When you validate someone’s feelings, you are communicating, “I see you, I hear you, and your emotional experience makes sense.” This immediately lowers their defensiveness and opens the door for a more productive conversation. It is the opposite of telling someone to “calm down” or that they “shouldn’t feel that way.”
Activating the “Safe & Social” Nervous System: According to Polyvagal Theory, a gentle tone of voice, interested facial expressions, and validating language are all “cues of safety.” These cues help keep both you and the other person in a “ventral vagal” state—the neurological state of feeling safe and socially engaged. This prevents the conversation from devolving into a “fight-or-flight” response.
Building an “Emotional Bank Account”: Think of each relationship as having an emotional bank account. Positive, respectful interactions are deposits. Negative, invalidating interactions are withdrawals. Consistently using the GIVE skill is like making regular, small deposits that build a strong relational foundation, making the relationship more resilient when conflicts inevitably arise.

Important Safety Disclaimer & When to Seek Help

This tool is for educational and skill-building purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

This is a safe and effective exercise for practicing healthier communication in most relationships. However, it’s important to note that these skills may not be effective or safe to use in abusive situations. Your safety is the first priority.

If you are struggling with persistent conflict, communication breakdowns, or distress in your relationships, it is a sign of strength to seek support from a qualified couples or individual therapist. If you are in crisis, please call your local emergency number.