Does your mind ever feel like it’s been hijacked by a critical inner roommate? A voice that whispers (or shouts) that you’re not good enough, that you’re going to fail, that everything is bound to go wrong. These loops of negative thoughts can be exhausting, draining your energy and casting a dark shadow over your day.
The common advice to “just think positive” often falls flat. Trying to force positivity on top of a powerful negative thought can feel inauthentic and can even make you feel worse for not being able to do it.
But there is a science-backed approach that does work. It’s not about ignoring the negative; it’s about investigating it. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers a practical method to step back, question your thoughts, and choose a more helpful way forward. As psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl profoundly observed:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
This 3-step method is how you create that space.
You Can’t ‘Stop’ a Thought, But You Can Change Its Path
Before we begin, let’s set a realistic goal. Our brains are thought-generating machines; we can’t just press an “off” switch. Thoughts, especially negative ones, are often automatic. They just pop up.
The real power is not in preventing the thought from ever appearing. The power lies in what you choose to do once it arrives. This method teaches you how to stop the thought from taking over and spiraling.
The 3-Step Method: Catch It, Check It, Change It
Think of yourself as a kind but curious detective. Your mission is to investigate your negative thoughts, not just blindly accept them as truth.
Step 1: Catch It (Identify the Automatic Thought)
The first sign of a Negative Automatic Thought (NAT) is often a feeling—a sudden dip in your mood, a pang of anxiety, a flash of anger. When you notice that feeling, pause and ask yourself: “What just went through my mind?” Your goal is to get the exact thought, word for word.
- Feeling: Sudden anxiety before a meeting.
- Catch the Thought: “I’m going to sound like an idiot.”
- Feeling: Sadness after scrolling social media.
- Catch the Thought: “Everyone else’s life is so much better than mine.”
Step 2: Check It (Challenge the Thought)
Just because you think something, doesn’t make it true. Your thoughts are not facts. This step is about putting the thought on trial and examining the evidence. Create that “space” for yourself by asking powerful questions:
- What is the evidence for this thought? What is the evidence against it? (“Is it 100% true that I’ll sound like an idiot? I’ve given good presentations before.”)
- Am I confusing a feeling with a fact? (“I feel like I’m a failure, but is that a fact?”)
- Is there a more balanced or compassionate way to see this? (“It’s normal to be nervous before a meeting. It shows that I care about doing a good job.”)
- What would I tell a friend if they had this thought? (“I would tell them they are well-prepared and that one meeting doesn’t define their worth.”)
Step 3: Change It (Reframe the Thought)
The final step is to create a more balanced and helpful alternative thought. The goal is not unrealistic positivity (“I’m the best speaker ever!”), but believable balance.
- Original Thought: “I’m going to sound like an idiot.”
- Balanced Reframe: “I’m feeling nervous about this meeting, but I am prepared. It’s okay if I’m not perfect; I’ll do my best to share my ideas clearly.”
- Original Thought: “I messed up everything.”
- Balanced Reframe: “That one part was challenging, but I handled the other parts of the project well. I can learn from the mistake.”
Your Personal Lab for Changing Thoughts
This “Catch It, Check It, Change It” process is a skill. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes. To help you build this mental muscle, we created a guided tool that walks you through each step.
➡️ Open the Thought Reframe Studio
Becoming the Watcher of Your Thoughts
By practicing this method, you are fundamentally changing your relationship with your mind. You learn that you are not your thoughts; you are the one who notices them. And in that space of noticing, you have the power to question, the freedom to choose, and the ability to find a more peaceful way forward.