We are all storytellers. We tell stories about who we are, where we’ve been, and what we’re capable of. Some of these stories are empowering. But sometimes, the stories we tell about ourselves become focused on problems, struggles, or perceived failures. These “problem stories” can become so dominant that they start to define us, leaving us feeling stuck and powerless. This is where a gentle narrative therapy exercise can help.
The core idea of Narrative Therapy is profound and simple: You are not the problem; the problem is the problem. You are separate from your struggles. An “anxious person” can become “a person who is learning to navigate anxiety.” This small shift in perspective creates space for new possibilities.
This exercise is a way to find the other stories that have always been present in your life. The untold tales of your own quiet resistance, courage, and strength. As the poet Muriel Rukeyser wrote:
“The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.”
Let’s explore the rich universe of stories that make up who you are.
You Are Not Your Story: The Core of Narrative Therapy
Our lives are multi-storied. No single story, especially a problem story, can ever capture the full truth of our experience. While a story of “failure” or “anxiety” might feel like the main plot, there are always other subplots and untold chapters running alongside it.
These are the “alternative stories” of your resilience. Narrative therapy is the practice of intentionally seeking out these alternative stories and “thickening the plot” until they become just as real, valid, and powerful as the problem story.
A Gentle Note: This exercise involves reflecting on your life. Please be kind to yourself. If you touch upon a memory that is deeply distressing, it’s okay to pause and return to it later, perhaps with the support of a therapist.
A Gentle Narrative Therapy Exercise: Finding Your “Sparkle Moments”
This practice helps you find evidence of your own strength, even in the middle of a hard time.
Step 1: Name the “Problem Story”
Start by gently identifying a problem or a recurring difficult story in your life. It helps to “externalize” it by giving it a name. For example:
- “The Story of My Imposter Syndrome”
- “The Story of My Social Anxiety”
- “The Story of ‘I’m Not Good Enough'”
Step 2: Hunt for the Exceptions
This is the heart of the exercise. Ask yourself this powerful question:
“Can I think of a time, no matter how small, when this problem tried to take over, but I didn’t let it win completely?”
These moments are called “unique outcomes” or “sparkle moments.” They are exceptions to the problem’s rule.
- A time you spoke up in a meeting, even though Imposter Syndrome was whispering in your ear.
- A time you went to a social gathering for just 30 minutes, even though Social Anxiety wanted you to stay home.
- A time you were kind to yourself after making a mistake, even when the “Not Good Enough” story was loud.
Step 3: Tell the Story of that “Sparkle Moment”
Take that one small moment of resistance and write its story in detail. Flesh it out.
- What exactly did you do or say?
- What personal strength, value, or skill did you use in that moment? (Perhaps it was courage, perseverance, kindness, or determination).
- What does this moment say about who you are and what’s important to you?
Weaving Your New Narrative: Our Story Weaver Tool
This process of re-storying can be profound. To help guide you, we’ve created the Story Weaver. This interactive tool provides a structured, private space to walk through this exact narrative therapy exercise. It helps you name the problem, hunt for your sparkle moments, and weave them into a new, more empowering story of your own resilience.
You Are the Author
Your past is not a single, unchangeable story carved in stone. It is a rich and complex landscape full of different paths and viewpoints. Narrative therapy doesn’t erase the difficult parts of your journey. Instead, it honors your strength by bringing the stories of your resilience out of the shadows and into the light. You have the power to choose which stories you focus on, and which new chapters you decide to write next.