Have you ever received a one-word text message and spiraled into hours of anxiety, convinced you did something wrong? Or had a small piece of feedback at work feel like a devastating critique of your entire worth? If so, you know what an emotional overreaction feels like. It’s when the size of your feeling seems to totally swamp the size of the actual event. To master your emotions, you must learn to check the facts, a DBT skill that acts as a powerful brake on these moments.
Our emotions are valid and important messengers, but sometimes they are reacting to a story we’ve told ourselves, not to the situation itself. We get swept away by our own interpretations. The DBT skill “Check the Facts” is a simple, systematic tool that helps us pause, step back, and see if our feelings truly fit the reality of what’s happening.
As the Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius wisely pointed out nearly two thousand years ago:
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
Why Do We Have ‘Emotional Overreactions’?
Our emotional responses are not just based on what is happening right now. They are shaped by our past experiences, our beliefs about ourselves, and our current mood. Think of these factors as a personal “filter.” Sometimes, a small, present-day event passes through this filter and comes out looking much bigger and more threatening than it actually is.
An emotional overreaction is like having an ultra-sensitive smoke alarm that goes off every time you make toast. The alarm is real, the sound is loud, but there is no actual fire. The “Check the Facts” skill is how you calmly walk to the kitchen to see if you need to call the fire department or just open a window.
How to Use the “Check the Facts” DBT Skill
When you feel a painful emotion starting to take over, you can use this structured process to investigate it. By learning to check the facts with DBT, you create a crucial space between a trigger and your response.
Step 1: What is the emotion I want to change?
Name the feeling. Be specific. Instead of “bad,” is it “ashamed,” “afraid,” or “enraged”?
Step 2: What is the event prompting my emotion?
Describe the facts and only the facts. What would a video camera have recorded? Remove any judgments, assumptions, or interpretations.
- Not a fact: “My friend ignored me.”
- A fact: “I called my friend, and they didn’t answer.”
Step 3: What are my interpretations and assumptions?
This is where you list the stories you are telling yourself about the facts.
- “They must be mad at me.”
- “I’m being annoying.”
- “They don’t want to be my friend anymore.”
Step 4: Am I assuming a threat?
Look at your interpretations and ask: What is the real probability of my feared outcome? Are there other, more likely explanations for the facts?
- “Maybe they are in a meeting, driving, or just busy.”
Step 5: Does my emotion’s intensity fit the actual facts?
Look at the facts from Step 2. Does the situation warrant the level of panic, rage, or despair you are feeling? If the fact is, “My friend didn’t answer the phone,” a 10/10 panic is likely not a fit.
Step 6: What is a more helpful response?
If your emotion fits the facts (e.g., real danger), then your emotion is doing its job! If it doesn’t fit the facts, this is your chance to choose a more effective response. This is often where another skill, like Opposite Action, comes in.
A Guided Investigation: Our “Check the Facts” Tool
Walking through these steps on your own, especially when you’re feeling emotional, can be tough. We built our Emotion Investigator tool to guide you through this exact “Check the Facts” process, question by question. It’s a private, digital worksheet to help you find clarity.
➡️ Open the Emotion Investigator (Check the Facts) Tool
Your Emotions Are Valid, Your Interpretations Are Optional
Using this skill is not about telling yourself you “shouldn’t” feel a certain way. Your feelings are always valid because you are feeling them. This tool is about discovering what you are reacting to. By separating the facts from your interpretations, you give yourself incredible power. You learn that while you may not control the events of your life, you can absolutely influence the stories you tell yourself about them.