You send a text to a friend, and an hour passes with no reply. Immediately, your mind starts to spin a story: “They’re mad at me. I must have said something wrong. They’re ignoring me.” A simple, observable event has now become a painful emotional drama.
But what is the actual, undeniable fact in that situation? The fact is this: “My friend has not yet replied to my text.” That’s it. Everything else—that they’re mad, that you did something wrong, that they’re ignoring you—is a story. It’s a judgment, an interpretation, or an assumption.
Our minds are brilliant, creative storytellers. But when it comes to our emotional wellbeing, this creativity can often lead to unnecessary pain. We treat our judgments as if they are facts, and we suffer as a result. Learning to separate the two is a fundamental skill for a calmer, clearer mind. As the author Anaïs Nin so perfectly stated:
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
This guide is about learning to see things as they are, before your mind adds its own creative, and often painful, spin.
Fact vs. Judgment: What’s the Difference?
This distinction is the bedrock of many effective therapies, like CBT and DBT. The definitions are simple, but the practice is life-changing.
- A FACT is objective, observable, and indisputable. It is what a video camera would record. It is free of interpretation, blame, or emotion. Everyone would agree on it.
- A JUDGMENT is a subjective story, an opinion, a belief, or an evaluation about a fact. It’s often loaded with emotional language, assumptions about intent, and predictions about the future.
Let’s look at a few examples:
| Fact (What a camera would see) | Judgment (The story the mind tells) |
| My boss pointed out a typo in my report during the meeting. | “My boss thinks I’m incompetent and humiliated me on purpose.” |
| I ate a piece of cake after dinner. | “I have zero self-control. I’m a complete failure.” |
| My heart is beating quickly and my palms are sweating. | “I’m having a panic attack. I’m going to lose control.” |
| It is raining outside. | “This weather is miserable and the day is ruined.” |
Notice how the facts are neutral, while the judgments are loaded with emotional pain.
Why This Simple Skill Changes Everything
When you consciously practice separating fact from judgment, you give yourself the gift of clarity and peace.
- It Reduces Emotional Reactivity. Sticking to the facts of a situation drains it of its emotional power. “My boss pointed out a typo” is a minor, fixable event. “My boss thinks I’m incompetent” is a source of deep anxiety and shame.
- It Opens Up Possibilities. Judgments are dead ends; they are conclusions. The thought “My friend is mad at me” leaves no room for other explanations. The fact “My friend hasn’t replied” leaves room for countless other possibilities: they’re busy, their phone died, they’re driving, they saw it and will reply later. Sticking to the facts keeps you open and curious, rather than closed and certain.
- It Empowers You. You realize you don’t have to believe every thought that pops into your head. You can learn to see your judgments for what they are—stories—and choose not to get caught up in the drama.
Practice Your Fact-Checking Skills: Our Guided Tool
Like any skill, this takes practice. To help, we’ve created a tool that walks you through the process of taking a stressful thought and breaking it down into its component parts: the objective facts and the subjective judgments you’ve added.
Seeing Clearly, Feeling Calmer
The next time you feel a strong, painful emotion, try this simple practice. Pause and ask yourself two questions:
- What is the indisputable fact of this situation?
- What is the story I am telling myself about this fact?
This simple pause is where your freedom lies. By grounding yourself in reality, you free yourself from the tyranny of your own stories. You learn that while you can’t always control the facts of your life, you have a profound ability to choose the judgments you attach to them.